words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
