Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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