I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
