The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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