You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
