idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
