just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
