He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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