She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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