My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
