a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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