Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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