Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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