The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
