I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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