I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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