I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
