Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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