This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize