you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
