i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
