Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
then he tried to convert me to islam
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
