just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
