Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
