My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize