My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
