This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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