Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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