So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
