Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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