You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
