Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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