This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
