Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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