What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
