"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
