i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There's always time for handjobs
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Floor bacon is actually really good
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
