I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Randomize
