are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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