I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
