absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
