Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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