Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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