We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
