I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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