He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
