She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
