So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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