Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
