She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
