This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we made out on top of his cat.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize