I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dicks are not precious.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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