Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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