when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
