I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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