im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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