I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I understand Curling. That high.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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