Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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