There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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