I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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