My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
