Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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