I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
