She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
