I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
