The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You are a booty call, not a friend.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
