38 yer olds are good kisserssss
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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