I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
