community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
