you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize