I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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