The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
