I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
