i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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