4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
