Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
