You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize