it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
